If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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