HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?