brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.