I think about you every night.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
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i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina