We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest