i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?