so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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