I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
