I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
