Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
