dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
