we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
