She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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