did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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