In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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