I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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