And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
