all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
