drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He felt like a one man threesome
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
