Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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