hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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