On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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