bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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