Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
where are my eyebrows?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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