Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
