Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
