You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
