well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize