I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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