At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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