my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Two words: nipple clamps
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