it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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