I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
