We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need to calm my uterus...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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