im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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