you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
