i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
