Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
