It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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