Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
