She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
two words...techno handjob
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
