Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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