i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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