She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
