First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
