god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
