Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
