SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
