he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
