drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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