I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
