im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
