I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
