Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
