so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
