did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
