my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
