So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Randomize
