Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
