Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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