Michael Bay diarrhea
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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