Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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