Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
