do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
