You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
