Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
