Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
