Barsexuality is the new black.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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