dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
