I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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