lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Too much gin, very little bucket
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
