She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We are two peas in an std pod
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
