I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
