You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
