I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
