Do you still have your period?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
