U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
