Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
