I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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