Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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