...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
