I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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