dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
