As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
