I feel like abortions should bother me more
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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