I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
