I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
