How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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