so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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