My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
