hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
